America's Masculinity Crisis

3 things on my mind this week

Hey y’all — before we get into this week’s roundup, I wanted to share some fun news on The Way of Excellence. Over the last few days, I heard from Coach Cori Close (UCLA Women’s Basketball) and Coach Dan Hurley (UConn Men’s Basketball) that they are both reading and loving the book. These coaches are known for their authenticity—they embody an ethos of be yourself and go all the way—and they win a lot: three national championships between them over the last four years. The book was also prominently featured in a New York Times/Athletic piece on Victor Wembanyama and the power of caring deeply.

I’ve been working my ass off to get The Way of Excellence out into the world because I believe in the book. It’s neat to see the hands it’s ending up in and the impact it’s beginning to have. I couldn’t do it without everyone who is reading and sharing, so thank you all for being a part of that.

1. America Has a Masculinity Crisis

The New York Times has a splashy new podcast and piece titled “America has a Masculinity Crisis.” Unfortunately, it’s full of jargon and hyper-intellectualized takes—and includes little, in plain terms, about the positive qualities of men.

This helps nobody.

Let’s start with the basics. On average, men have more testosterone than women. People think that testosterone is associated with aggression, but it’s actually most associated with a drive for status. There are two predominant routes to status: you can gain it through brute power or through competence and respect.

The grifters (i.e., insecure assholes) sell rote power as a quick and easy path to status for men. But bullying others and demeaning women (or worse) is no way to contribute to society, let alone live a fulfilling life. It leaves you empty.

Being a good man means pursuing status via competence and respect:

• Be useful

• Be a protector.

• Be honest.

• Be kind.

• Be strong.

• Respect women.

• Get good at something.

• Stay physically fit.

• Be a good husband, father, brother, and friend.

Many will say isn’t this just being a good person, irrespective of gender? The answer is yes! However, men and women may pursue these attributes differently, and that’s okay! When you pretend there are no differences between men and women, constantly choose to highlight the most terrible men, or frame chronically online streamers as the alternative, you are either utterly removed from many people’s reality or have no interest in actually addressing the problem and making it better.

Sometimes I feel like the people who write these think pieces on the left must live in such weird bubbles. Sure, there are real assholes with big platforms. But there are also plenty of good men. Come out to the Little League I coach in. Or my gym. Or the chess club. Or the public school. There are solid, normal men!

The answer isn’t to defect to the manosphere bullshit. That’s a junk-food version of masculinity. But the alternative cannot be “everything is men’s fault” or “let’s pretend women and men are biologically identical” either. Neither is true nor helpful.

It’s unfortunate that so many of the men who rise to prominence, especially in the most salient fields such as politics and media, are narcissistic sociopaths who lie and cheat. (It says a lot about what we value as a society, but that’s a longer piece for another day.) And yet there are also plenty of good men, especially at the local level. These ought to be the role models.

It’s not to say we should never point out what is wrong with certain parts of masculinity (we should), but we should also highlight men who are doing it right and positive ways of being and doing in the world.

2. A Hard Truth About Elite Performance

There is so much nonsense and bullshit out there—but if you actually want to work toward excellence at something, you need to be focused and committed and consistent. You need to nail the fundamentals and surround yourself with good people. You need to think in years, not days, and exit the hot-take, alpha bro (and sister) slop-stream in favor of studying serious people, working with serious coaches, and reading serious books. There’s never been a shortage of pseudo-excellence. The real thing will always be counterculture, offering a great opportunity for those willing to pursue it.

3. The Great Divide

Noah Kahan’s new album grows on me every time I listen to it—and I’ve listened to it at least 100 times. My two favorite songs are “Doors” and “Dan.” I think the latter is near perfect. The composition is next level, and the way he reps the lyric “most of the time” is such good writing. I can’t think of anyone who is into folk-pop and good singer-songwriter stuff who wouldn’t dig this album.

I hope you enjoyed this week’s roundup. I’ll catch y’all soon!

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