An Ode to Caring Deeply in an Era of Nonchalance

In defense of giving a damn

We all remember the kid in school who was too cool to try.

In reality, that kid lived in a combination of insecurity and fear.

Many adults have yet to outgrow this pattern—and that’s a tragedy.

Doing big things, let alone living a big life, requires trying hard, risking failure, and caring deeply.

The motivation to move through life armed with nonchalance is understandable. The world feels more uncertain and chaotic than ever. It’s hard enough to get by, let alone make yourself even more vulnerable by pouring your heart and soul into something—all the while knowing failure and disappointment are possible, perhaps even probable.

But if you never give anything your all, if you never risk failure, then you never grow into who you really are, let alone express your true potential. The hurt isn’t as bad this way, but neither are the joys. With an attitude of nonchalance, you sacrifice the pursuit of meaning, fulfillment, and excellence for short-term safety and comfort.

It’s Not Cringe: The Mendoza Effect

Throughout the 2025/26 college football season, the improbably top-ranked Indiana Hoosiers have been led by their star quarterback, Fernando Mendoza. In addition to his stellar play on the field, he’s become known for his raw, authentic, and effusive personality that has also been mocked for being “cringe.” After leading the Hoosiers to a Big 10 Championship victory over Ohio State, Mendoza barely held back tears in an emotional on-field post-game interview, which had some commentators opining, “Did Mendoza just lose the Heisman with that interview?”

(A week later, Mendoza won the Heisman Trophy for being the best player in college football. He cried during that acceptance speech, too. He’s currently preparing for the National Championship.)

Perhaps Mendoza isn’t the best player in college football in spite of how much he cares; perhaps he is the best player in college football because of how deeply he cares. And that he isn’t scared to be seen as caring deeply.

Living a Big Life Requires Caring

In the process of writing my new book, The Way of Excellence, I spoke with hundreds of top athletes, creatives, musicians, entrepreneurs, businesspeople, physicians, coaches, and educators. No doubt, all these people are serious about their success and willing to sacrifice a great deal in its pursuit. But even then, a crucial differentiator—and not just for attaining one’s goals, but also for living one’s fullest and most textured life—is a willingness to hold nothing back, to truly give the people and pursuits you care about your best shot.

The best athletes care deeply.
The best artists care deeply.
The best leaders care deeply.
The best coaches care deeply.
The best teachers care deeply.
The best doctors care deeply.
The best writers care deeply.
The best scientists care deeply.
The best parents care deeply.

If you want to have a rich and meaningful life then you have to put yourself out there. You have to make yourself vulnerable. You have to care. There is no way around it. You are not going to be the best anything with an attitude of nonchalance, including the best version of yourself.

The variety of caring that living an excellent life requires is neither saccharine nor solely focused on outcomes. Rather, it’s a process of laying it on the line and giving something your full effort, and it must be renewed every day. It means that in success and even in failure you can be proud of the effort you gave, the guts you showed, and the person you are becoming.

Another great example also comes from sports: the University of Nebraska women’s volleyball team. They recently rolled into the regional finals with a historic record of 33-0, only to be knocked out of the tournament by Texas A&M in a major upset. In the press conference following the game, senior All-American Rebekah Allick was too devastated to answer questions through her tears.

Her teammate Harper Murray stepped in: “I just want to say Bekah has poured her heart and soul into this program, and you can tell by her face how much she cares...winning and losing is a part of volleyball and it sucks…but she is going to leave behind a great legacy and has so much to be proud of. We all see how much she cares, and yeah, it’s unbelievable.”

How to Care Deeply

A commitment to caring deeply isn’t just for elite performers. It is for all of us.

And it’s especially important because we’re at a point in history—not nearing it, but here—where each and every one of us is going to have to decide if we are content to be numbed-out spectators to an endless stream of fentanyl-like digital slop or if we are going to fight for our humanity, touch grass, challenge ourselves, create, contribute, and love.

The question, then, is how do you care deeply in a way that is sustainable? How do you make yourself vulnerable without it becoming overwhelming or burning yourself out?

You set boundaries.

You ensure that while your craft may be an outsized part of your identity, it’s not the only one.

You focus on consistency over intensity, reminding yourself that while anyone can crush it and have a heroic day, week, or even year, the goal is to play the long game.

You maintain a sense of humor. You surround yourself with good art, good books, and most of all, good people who remind you that caring is hard but worth it, and who offer crucial support on your path.

You focus less on outcomes, which are often outside of your control, and more on your process, on the day-to-day activities that gradually move you forward.

You hold your care, ambition, and drive in a container of self-kindness, because if you cannot be kind to yourself when you suffer inevitable heartbreaks and failures, then you would never come back and risk putting it on the line again.

You show up. You step into the arena. You learn to tell yourself, Caring deeply is hard, but I can do hard things. It’s the mindset of a humble badass.

P.s., This post was adapted from my new book, The Way of Excellence. It comes out in just over a week, but if you pre-order now you’ll get it on your doorstep publication day, along with an incredible package of bonus materials, including a values and goal-setting exercise I use with my performance coaching clients, an interactive workbook to use in conjunction with the book, a 90-minute professionally produced masterclass, a reading list, and more.

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