Women see this too.I recently overheard my sister and her friend talking about how scary men are today, listing off things like nihilism, far right politics, being perpetually online, gambling. But that entire picture was built from what they see on a screen, not from interacting with actual men in the real world.
I see amazing fathers, husbands, and mentors every single day, and they are out there in far greater numbers than anyone scrolling through their feed would ever believe.
Your article does a great job capturing the crossroads men are facing right now, and my hope is that the internet, AI, and podcasting eventually become the thing that shocks us back toward something more grounded and more human, because the lesson worth learning might be hiding right inside all that noise.
I get excited every time I see someone with real reach get to the actual problem. This is what we actually need more of. The men who shift fastest in my work aren't the ones who found the right podcast or the right framework — they're the ones who got off the internet and into something real. A team, a trade, a kid who needed them to show up. The status-through-competence path you described isn't just philosophically better. It's neurologically different. Those men are wired differently in relationship.
I have seen suicides prevented by men interacting with other men on men's issues pages on Facebook and the Manosphere, The importance of that cannot be overstated. Aside from saving a life, several men being able to help one man in crisis can ONLY take place on line. Those who bash the manosphere are really bashing men.
Frank — you’re right, and I wasn’t dismissing that. Online connection saves lives. Real-world responsibility changes lives. Not either/or. Thanks for pushing on this.
This is an excellent article! I didn’t experience any of this when I was single 17 years ago but have heard my male friends at the gym and a 30-something woman who works for me talk about the challenges of finding a partner. As you pointed out, get out in the real world and what you’ll see is incredible men doing incredible things. There are good ones everywhere, you just have to put your phone and computer down and leave your house to find them.
I had an interesting experience recently. We were at the skate park. My son was assisting his regular class with his younger friend. Once they were done, the friend wanted to continue and threw a bit of a tantrum. The teacher stepped in and took control. By putting limits, this kid calmed down and stopped giving his mom a hard time. This is how boys learn to be men, by learning from other men.
The issue isn't "performative masculinity" or any other form of masculinity. The issue is the issues men face, as men: the increased risk of suicide, deliberate discrimination against men in employment, the male-only military draft registartion, etc
This is great insight, and I commend the attempt to provide some solutions to the malaise plaguing young men today. However, I expect things to get far worse before they get better. Every movement creates a countermovement, and every movement has a good and a bad side. While some don't want to admit this, the bad/toxic side of the Manosphere is a counter to the bad/toxic side of Feminism (I know it's hard to admit), but things eventually balance out. While I enjoyed this article, I would like your perspective on bad/toxic feminism, as this article focuses primarily on the agents of bad/toxic Manosphere. "The strong desire for status" is not only an arena where men play today, but there is also a strong desire for social status. Motherhood today doesn't provide any social status, which is the reason why it is not what women aspire to (i would argue we have done a good job in convincing women out of it). All of these things listed, "They are coaching their kids’ baseball team. They are volunteering in their community. They are raising their children. They are mentoring at local gyms. They are starting small businesses. They are working in the trades. They are supporting their wives. They have integrity and honor. They protect the weak. They help their neighbors. They show up consistently. They care deeply about others." They do not provide any social status. In fact, you are listing sacrifices men used to make without any status attached to it. Men used to have spaces where, for better or worse, they would inculcate some of these virtues into young men. Where are those spaces now? The reason why I'm not as optimistic as you is simple. The men who coach their kids' basketball/baseball team (i do soccer) are supporting wives, etc., will become fewer and fewer, the same way that you have fewer and fewer mothers. The children were/are the aspiration, the purpose, the reason you contributed to the community and made the community better. They are the hope and the investment you are making. I look at the birthrate fading lower, and so does my optimism.
I think every boy who grew up with the internet at some point googled ‘how to get girls.’ There is a stark difference between the kind of content that search would have led you to in 2008 vs 2026.
There has never been a shortage of young heterosexual male insecurity, the grifters have just capitalised on it. Boys who in another time might have read a yahoo answers post or seen a video of a pick up artist, are now stuck in social media ecosystems built around figures like Tate who welcome kids in with the promise of getting them laid. Then the ceaseless barrage of memes, virality, and controversy keep the kids hooked.
I love all of this! I write and speak about meaning. Your entire post is pointing at the different ways we can cultivate meaning in our lives, from each of the three sources: Transcendent Purpose, Authentic Belonging, and Self-Compassion & Growth.
I’m a huge fan of everyone who is out here motivating folks toward meaning.
I saw bits of one of the Trust Me Bro Academy type videocasts where the guy was obsessed with what women think of Ryan Gosling. He seemed mired obsessed with Ryan Gosling than women are. Who’s that for?
Women see this too.I recently overheard my sister and her friend talking about how scary men are today, listing off things like nihilism, far right politics, being perpetually online, gambling. But that entire picture was built from what they see on a screen, not from interacting with actual men in the real world.
I see amazing fathers, husbands, and mentors every single day, and they are out there in far greater numbers than anyone scrolling through their feed would ever believe.
Your article does a great job capturing the crossroads men are facing right now, and my hope is that the internet, AI, and podcasting eventually become the thing that shocks us back toward something more grounded and more human, because the lesson worth learning might be hiding right inside all that noise.
I get excited every time I see someone with real reach get to the actual problem. This is what we actually need more of. The men who shift fastest in my work aren't the ones who found the right podcast or the right framework — they're the ones who got off the internet and into something real. A team, a trade, a kid who needed them to show up. The status-through-competence path you described isn't just philosophically better. It's neurologically different. Those men are wired differently in relationship.
I have seen suicides prevented by men interacting with other men on men's issues pages on Facebook and the Manosphere, The importance of that cannot be overstated. Aside from saving a life, several men being able to help one man in crisis can ONLY take place on line. Those who bash the manosphere are really bashing men.
Frank — you’re right, and I wasn’t dismissing that. Online connection saves lives. Real-world responsibility changes lives. Not either/or. Thanks for pushing on this.
This is an excellent article! I didn’t experience any of this when I was single 17 years ago but have heard my male friends at the gym and a 30-something woman who works for me talk about the challenges of finding a partner. As you pointed out, get out in the real world and what you’ll see is incredible men doing incredible things. There are good ones everywhere, you just have to put your phone and computer down and leave your house to find them.
I had an interesting experience recently. We were at the skate park. My son was assisting his regular class with his younger friend. Once they were done, the friend wanted to continue and threw a bit of a tantrum. The teacher stepped in and took control. By putting limits, this kid calmed down and stopped giving his mom a hard time. This is how boys learn to be men, by learning from other men.
The issue isn't "performative masculinity" or any other form of masculinity. The issue is the issues men face, as men: the increased risk of suicide, deliberate discrimination against men in employment, the male-only military draft registartion, etc
This is great insight, and I commend the attempt to provide some solutions to the malaise plaguing young men today. However, I expect things to get far worse before they get better. Every movement creates a countermovement, and every movement has a good and a bad side. While some don't want to admit this, the bad/toxic side of the Manosphere is a counter to the bad/toxic side of Feminism (I know it's hard to admit), but things eventually balance out. While I enjoyed this article, I would like your perspective on bad/toxic feminism, as this article focuses primarily on the agents of bad/toxic Manosphere. "The strong desire for status" is not only an arena where men play today, but there is also a strong desire for social status. Motherhood today doesn't provide any social status, which is the reason why it is not what women aspire to (i would argue we have done a good job in convincing women out of it). All of these things listed, "They are coaching their kids’ baseball team. They are volunteering in their community. They are raising their children. They are mentoring at local gyms. They are starting small businesses. They are working in the trades. They are supporting their wives. They have integrity and honor. They protect the weak. They help their neighbors. They show up consistently. They care deeply about others." They do not provide any social status. In fact, you are listing sacrifices men used to make without any status attached to it. Men used to have spaces where, for better or worse, they would inculcate some of these virtues into young men. Where are those spaces now? The reason why I'm not as optimistic as you is simple. The men who coach their kids' basketball/baseball team (i do soccer) are supporting wives, etc., will become fewer and fewer, the same way that you have fewer and fewer mothers. The children were/are the aspiration, the purpose, the reason you contributed to the community and made the community better. They are the hope and the investment you are making. I look at the birthrate fading lower, and so does my optimism.
I think every boy who grew up with the internet at some point googled ‘how to get girls.’ There is a stark difference between the kind of content that search would have led you to in 2008 vs 2026.
There has never been a shortage of young heterosexual male insecurity, the grifters have just capitalised on it. Boys who in another time might have read a yahoo answers post or seen a video of a pick up artist, are now stuck in social media ecosystems built around figures like Tate who welcome kids in with the promise of getting them laid. Then the ceaseless barrage of memes, virality, and controversy keep the kids hooked.
Subscribed!
I love all of this! I write and speak about meaning. Your entire post is pointing at the different ways we can cultivate meaning in our lives, from each of the three sources: Transcendent Purpose, Authentic Belonging, and Self-Compassion & Growth.
I’m a huge fan of everyone who is out here motivating folks toward meaning.
I saw bits of one of the Trust Me Bro Academy type videocasts where the guy was obsessed with what women think of Ryan Gosling. He seemed mired obsessed with Ryan Gosling than women are. Who’s that for?