35 Rules for Living an Excellent Life in a Crazy World

Things I wish I knew when I graduated

1. The best way to stay sane is to find the people and activities you love and give them your all. Distraction, attention vampires, and rage bait are lurking everywhere. But you still have some agency to choose where you focus your attention. Do everything you can to stay locked in on what matters.

2. Challenge yourself. Do hard things. It’s how you grow. It makes you feel alive. Suffering for the sake of suffering is dumb—that’s not what I’m advocating here. I’m talking about meaningful struggle, where you step outside your comfort zone and prove to yourself you are the kind of person who can overcome and find a way.

3. Move your body every day. Eat your fruits and vegetables.
(And when you forget, simply begin again.)

4. You don’t find your passion and then get good at something; you get good at something and then find yourself passionate about it. Competence breeds caring.

5. Stop worshipping status. Lots of famous people are totally unhinged. Know your values, the things you stand for, and live in alignment with them. If you do this it’s easier to fall asleep at night.

6. Become known for your consistency. Some days are better than others. Show up. Give what you’ve got. Rinse and repeat. Small steps really do compound for big gains.

7. It’s better to be kind than clever.

8. We are all mirrors reflecting onto one another. The people with whom you surround yourself shape you. You don’t always have a choice, but when you do, choose wisely.

9. Do what you can to respond, not react. You can’t always control what happens to you but you can control what you do about it. Responding not reacting is a muscle you can strengthen with practice. Like it or not, life gives you plenty of reps.

10. Set aside time to focus deeply on work that is important to you. Put the phone in the other room. Turn internet browser off. Periods of deep-focus work are key to a good life.

11. Confidence comes from evidence. If you want to be confident about something, put in the reps and give yourself the evidence.

12. Just. Get. Started. If you wait to feel 100 percent certain and fully ready you’ll spend your entire life waiting. Lower the bar to ready enough, step into the arena, and learn as you go.

13. Do not worry about being the best. Focus on being the best at getting better. Being the best is ephemeral, it comes and goes. You either get it or not, and then what? But being the best at getting better—that’s a pursuit that lasts a lifetime.

14. Better is more than just objective results and points on the scoreboard. It also means becoming stronger, kinder, and wiser. The world needs better performers and the world needs better people. These things need not be exclusive.

15. It is impossible to be happy all the time. Focus on living a meaningful and textured life. (The irony is you’ll be happier as a result).

16. Everyone faces anxiety, fear, and doubt. Try not to let these emotions shrink your life. Take them along for the ride. Do what enlarges you.

17. Start where you are. Not where you want to be. Not where you think you should be. Not where other people think you should be. But where you are.

18. Life is hard and nobody is coming to save you, which is why you need to practice self-discipline; it’s also why you need to practice self-kindness.

19. Having fun is the greatest competitive advantage there is. Intensity and joy can coexist, and in the best lives, they almost always do.

20. Strength without flexibility is rigidity. Flexibility without strength is instability. You need both.

21. There is no such thing as an overnight breakthrough. Be patient. Play the long game. The bigger the goal, the smaller the steps. Almost everything good in life requires effort and takes time.

22. Sleep when you are tired.

23. Motivation is overrated. You don’t need to feel good to get going, you need to get going to give yourself a chance to feel good. Show up. Get started. Give yourself a chance.

24. Doing the hard thing today often makes tomorrow just a bit easier.

25. When it comes to your career, think about money, lifestyle, and challenge. It’s almost impossible to have all three, but most good jobs can give you two.

26. Don’t stress if you aren’t “balanced.” It’s impossible to do all the things. Part of being a mature adult is making tradeoffs. It’s okay to have different seasons of life for emphasizing different activities.

27. People who say that money doesn’t matter are full of it. People who obsess over money are miserable. Money is a thing. But it’s not the only thing.

28. Don’t compare your actual life to someone else’s fiction. Most of what you see online is not real. Let’s call it The Influencers Law: The more someone feels the need to post how great their life is the less likely they are actually satisfied with their life.

29. Curiosity is an antidote to fear and boredom. Never stop learning. Find mentors. Read books. Be interested in things.

30. The best relationships and pursuits make you forget about yourself. It’s actually true for pretty much everything. We are stuck in these bodies and selves and yet we feel the most alive when we forget about it. What a wild paradox.

31. Nobody escapes life unscathed. Everybody faces periods of pain, hurt, and feeling lost. Don’t be scared to ask for help. What comes around goes around.

32. Keep the main things the main things. It’s true in craft and it’s true in life. Define your priorities. Pursue them relentlessly.

33. Being nonchalant is lame. Risk something. Care deeply. Give a damn.

34. You are going to fall off the path. Everyone does. When this happens, do what you can to learn from it and get back on. Over and over again.

35. Life is long. You never know what’s going to happen next. Keep going.

Thanks for reading. If you found this post valuable you’ll love my new book, The Way of Excellence. It’s currently 23% off here. (It makes for a great graduation gift too!)